【NETWORK 】username: Inaban

[dereban]

We're already halfway through November, huh. Can't believe that there's only fifteen days left. The end of the month will come before you know it.

Honestly, what I can be glad for is not having to deal with ridiculous paperwork on how Mariah Carey breached containment during this time of the year again. (Don't ask.)

But I guess since I'm typing all of this out, I might as well put out a question out there: anyone have any good ideas for celebrating important events by yourself?

Comments

un: OdenLove

[loveedition]

Time flies, doesn't it.

Anyway. You treat yourself to something nice. Make the day about yourself. Do something you've wanted to do for a while.

Although in the first place, celebrating anything by yourself doesn't sound good on its own.

[dereban]

It really does.

Well, sometimes you have to do things on your own. Maybe it's a little sad, but I'm happier not having to deal with large crowds or groups.

[loveedition]

I see. I don't want anyone to feel left out so our invitation's going to stay open just in case.

...but. It's true that there are some things you have to do on your own. But there are some things that are worse dealing with alone than it is with someone else. It'll just cause any bad feelings to get worse.

[dereban]

That's fair.

[ She types that out so there's at least a show of a response before she sends a separate message, private: ]

I don't want to admit it in public.

But this time of the year has sucked for the last two years.[ She was actually dead one year in December and the other was just... stressful. ] It'd probably be better for me to separate myself, anyway. From holiday things. I'd only get jealous.

[ That isn't the only thing that she's been thinking about but it's the thing that she's going to actually say. ]

private;

[loveedition]

Believe me. My last Christmas was awful. I get it.

But... it's important to me that I replace those awful memories with something better. Something that'll make me forget that last year ever happened.

[ Feeling bitter. Missing her "real" friends. Yelling at the one person who, more than anything, still wanted this holiday season to be special. ]

I won't ask you to come to Aisaka-san's party. Maybe we can do something before that, then.

I... really don't want you to be left out, Inaba-san.

Re: private;

[dereban]

I haven't told anyone the specifics yet. But two years ago, I was dead before Christmas. So I spent an entire Christmas as a ghost. Not to mention that I was being bullied about some ridiculous shit by some asshole who owns a Bayonetta dakimakura.

[ The term "asshole" coined here is not as mean as she makes it out to be. ]

Besides. You shouldn't have to spend your time on a holiday for me. I'd feel bad. I'd rather be alone on Christmas Eve than being around people. If couple stuff was already happening a lot during the sleepover a few months ago, it's going to be worse on Christmas.

I don't want to deal with that.

private;

[loveedition]

[ Ah. That part, she gets. They were lucky enough to not have to deal with Witches or a Nightmare during the holiday season, so death didn't loom over the holiday, really. ]

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. That sounds... mostly awful? Mostly in that I'm confused as to how anyone can bully a ghost.

[ Unfortunately, she has no idea who Bayonetta is. Extra unfortunately, she knows what a daki is, so she can only imagine. ]

...did you know that Christmas isn't even really an event here? Most of the locals I asked were confused about it. We might be introducing it, but we're not going to make it a 1:1 type of deal.

Besides. It's not like I'm seeing anyone either. I don't mind in the slightest.

[dereban]

Oh, he was able to see all of us. The hotel I died in was kind of weird and special.

Yeah, I did. I've been following the Starnet posts and seeing that there's no preparation for the holiday season is kind of surreal. If I had to guess, it's probably because the religion didn't exist here?

[ Which makes sense, given the creation myth that she had to look over again for the document she wrote.

But as for that last part... ]

And nobody's going to try and confess to you on Christmas Eve? Just because the locals don't know about it doesn't mean that others don't, you know.

[loveedition]

It sounds weird. And kinda gross at that. But either way, that's what I figured. Even the kami weren't sure about it. It kind of makes getting stuff together to celebrate a hassle.

[ And, OdenLove is typing... ]

Nobody has for the last 19 Christmas Eves. I don't expect it this year either. Not from anyone I wouldn't turn down, anyway.

[dereban]

I can only imagine. A lot of it would have to become handmade, or you'd have to describe how the decorations are and how they worked.

I suppose that's fair. But you shouldn't have to go out of your way for me.

[loveedition]

[ Ryoko doesn't respond for a while. She's fighting with herself again.

Finally. ]

You're right, I shouldn't have to. But you know something? I want to.

Inaba-san, who in the world asks others for their opinion on how to celebrate something alone? For that matter, why are you so concerned about the next month if you're trying to avoid thinking about Christmas?

Why do you keep trying to hide away?

[dereban]

It's easier for me to play a role in the shadows like I used to.

I'm a lone wolf, anyway.

So I don't really have to celebrate anything with others.

[loveedition]

You and I both know that's a lie.

Places like this make it so much harder to work in the background, and to actually deal with anything on your own. If you spent so long by yourself, being a "lone wolf", you'd go crazy.

You said it yourself before, didn't you? You're not an object to be disposed of. You're not someone that's only needed from time to time. You're not a project, you're a person.

And you're hurting. I know you're hurting.

[dereban]

I've been able to do it for countless years. This is no different.

Besides -

It's better than to play into their hands. I'm really fine. Honest.

[loveedition]

[ Again, constant typing in and out. ]

I saw it in your face, you know. It's why no matter what, I don't believe you.

...

You don't trust them anymore, do you?

[dereban]

Who do you mean?

[loveedition]

The kami. Those that started and keep hanging out with Satou-san.

[dereban]

I never said I entirely trusted them to begin with.

[loveedition]

Yeah. I mean, it never sounded like you were trying to treat them any differently than anyone else. They were just the same as everyone else.

[ Which, she can put two and two together, then. ]

I'm sorry.

[dereban]

I never would. I've known people from different walks of life and those who were human or just straight out aren't.

You don't need to apologize.

I chose what I had to.

[loveedition]

That's not why I'm apologizing.

You've been looking at this as me forcing myself to befriend you, or forcing myself to spend time with you so that you're not lonely. But that's not the case.

I'm forcing you. Maybe I can get away with that with others, but all I'm doing is making you feel worse, aren't I?

I'm sorry for that, Inaba-san. I just... don't want you to celebrate anything alone. Because there's nothing worse than forcing yourself to be happy when you're not.

[dereban]

It's fine. I just don't need to celebrate, I guess.

Whether that be Christmas or anything else.

[loveedition]

[ Anything else... what else could there be? Important events... were there any events in Canada that was important this or next month? She'd done a bit of research before she left home, they had a "Thanksgiving" in October...

... ]

Is... your birthday coming up?

[dereban]

Does it matter if it is or if it isn't?

[loveedition]

[ ....... ]

Yes? What kind of question is that? Of course it matters. Are you dumb?