【NETWORK 】username: Inaban

[dereban]

We're already halfway through November, huh. Can't believe that there's only fifteen days left. The end of the month will come before you know it.

Honestly, what I can be glad for is not having to deal with ridiculous paperwork on how Mariah Carey breached containment during this time of the year again. (Don't ask.)

But I guess since I'm typing all of this out, I might as well put out a question out there: anyone have any good ideas for celebrating important events by yourself?

Comments

[loveedition]

[ Deep breath. Her head fills with useless memories, about wasting time. She types... ]

It's not. It's not a waste of time, and it's not fine. Any day where you can still wake up and still remember who you are isn't a waste. You were pushed past your limits, took on way too much, and needed that month. Disengaging isn't a bad thing.

You understand though, right? In a place like this, away from your friends and family, you have to cling to any amount of happiness you can. You have to hold on to something, because the world will just get colder and more unfamiliar to you if you don't. You'll crumble... but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. Taking steps forward to find that happiness, to find a moment of peace is terrifying, but it's worth it. Even if it seems unrealistic, even if it would change everything.

Sometimes, to stay afloat, you have to be selfish. You have to pass on responsibility to someone else, you have to take time away, and you have to stop to have a good day with good people. I've never once thought I was wasting my time around you. I thought it was worth it, just to try to learn a little more about you.

...Inaba-san. I'm so sorry that I forced you into this. That I'm still trying to push you. I don't have the right to do that.

Just... tell me that you don't want my help or advice or anything like that, and I'll stop. I promise.

[dereban]

[ There's moments of Inaban is typing... that flickers in and out. ]

I don't deserve it.

[loveedition]

Yes you do. You've done nothing wrong.

[dereban]

It doesn't feel like it.

[loveedition]

...you know, they don't mind. I'm not upset at you. I don't think anyone is.

Someone spent a long time trying to convince me to forgive myself for what I've done... so, I'm willing to help you too. We'll take these steps together.

...and I'm going to bring you a small cake.

[dereban]

They've probably moved on by now. The world doesn't revolve around me and my problems, after all.

[loveedition]

Well. For some more than others.

[ Should she even... ]

He hasn't stopped worrying about you. He even gave me ideas on what to get you for Christmas.

[ Sorry, Yuuto. ]

Even discounting him. The spirits at the library really liked when you'd read to them. They miss you too.

Even if this world doesn't revolve around you, that doesn't mean anyone's forgotten you.

[dereban]

He really should stop doing that.

The spirits only miss me because I provided them a service. I'm nobody special.

[loveedition]

...Is that what you actually think, or is that what you're trying to tell yourself to justify being alone?

[dereban]

I truly, firmly believe that.

[loveedition]

...then, tell me something.

I've gotten closer to Yuuto over the last couple of months. He's helped me with sorting out my feelings, helping me overcome my own insecurities. I didn't intend on it, but everything he's helped me out with made me feel like I'm a much better person than I thought I was. He's tried to help me understand what "love" is supposed to be, and I've done the same thing. I've tried to help ease his pain, and tried to cheer him up as much as I could.

So then, if you're not special... why does he keep pining for you? Why is he still hurting, if you're not meant to mean that much to this world? Don't you think he'd have moved on, if I could fit that role?

I get that you don't think you're amazing, or that you're not doing anything that sounds impressive, but don't you dare tell me that you're not special to anyone here.

[ Because it makes Inaba sound like her. And no matter what, she refuses to feel like she's better than anyone.

But if she's sounding like her, then Ryoko needs to shift her own tone. ]

I won't stand for any of my friends feeling like they're a waste of time. Call me selfish if you want, but I'm going to care about you whether you want me to or not. I won't accept anyone feeling like a replacement, never again!

[ Not even herself. ]

[dereban]

Then I'll just have to break that myself.

I don't want anyone to think that.

[loveedition]

Don't

[ She accidentally sends that. And truthfully, she tries to figure out any possible way to keep going. She knows getting mad won't help matters, but it's hitting her too hard. ]

Why? Why is that so bad? Why would you choose to feel like this when it hurts?

[dereban]

Because I'm not a very good person.

Besides, it's better like this.

[loveedition]

[ It's not. She knows it's not. But as she reads those words, she feels the bottom give way.

She can't do this. She just can't. ]

Okay. I'm sorry for blowing up like that. I'll trust your judgment.

[ A complete lie. ]

Regardless... the most I can do is tell you that you'll get something next month. Aisaka-san really doesn't want anyone left out.

...I've got to go make dinner.

Whenever it is, I hope your birthday goes well and without incident.

[ And, that's as much as she can do. ]