【NETWORK 】username: Inaban

[dereban]

We're already halfway through November, huh. Can't believe that there's only fifteen days left. The end of the month will come before you know it.

Honestly, what I can be glad for is not having to deal with ridiculous paperwork on how Mariah Carey breached containment during this time of the year again. (Don't ask.)

But I guess since I'm typing all of this out, I might as well put out a question out there: anyone have any good ideas for celebrating important events by yourself?

Comments

[dereban]

I never said I entirely trusted them to begin with.

[loveedition]

Yeah. I mean, it never sounded like you were trying to treat them any differently than anyone else. They were just the same as everyone else.

[ Which, she can put two and two together, then. ]

I'm sorry.

[dereban]

I never would. I've known people from different walks of life and those who were human or just straight out aren't.

You don't need to apologize.

I chose what I had to.

[loveedition]

That's not why I'm apologizing.

You've been looking at this as me forcing myself to befriend you, or forcing myself to spend time with you so that you're not lonely. But that's not the case.

I'm forcing you. Maybe I can get away with that with others, but all I'm doing is making you feel worse, aren't I?

I'm sorry for that, Inaba-san. I just... don't want you to celebrate anything alone. Because there's nothing worse than forcing yourself to be happy when you're not.

[dereban]

It's fine. I just don't need to celebrate, I guess.

Whether that be Christmas or anything else.

[loveedition]

[ Anything else... what else could there be? Important events... were there any events in Canada that was important this or next month? She'd done a bit of research before she left home, they had a "Thanksgiving" in October...

... ]

Is... your birthday coming up?

[dereban]

Does it matter if it is or if it isn't?

[loveedition]

[ ....... ]

Yes? What kind of question is that? Of course it matters. Are you dumb?

[dereban]

There's more important things than my birthday.

[loveedition]

The hell there is. Unless you're getting into one of those "I didn't ask to be born" moods, then you're allowed to take a moment to enjoy and have a birthday.

Think about yourself for once. Let the world revolve around you for just one second.

[dereban]

Yeah, and how exactly am I supposed to enjoy it? None of my friends or family are here.

[loveedition]

And you've met zero people here that would give a damn about your birthday? Even if you don't consider them friends?

[ Which. Kind of stings a little, but wasn't completely unexpected. ]

[dereban]

I never said that.

[loveedition]

Then what? Can you only enjoy an event like that with the people you've met from home?

[dereban]

No.

I celebrated my birthday once, in the world I was in prior to this.

[ It's not home, after all. ]

But I don't think I can have a fun time here.

I'd only feel guilt.

[loveedition]

...I don't get it. Why would you?

[dereban]

It's a waste of time.

I already spent a whole month doing nothing. I gave up and let go of all the projects that I had thought about over the past couple of months. And what, you expect me to celebrate my birthday like everything here's fine?

[loveedition]

[ Deep breath. Her head fills with useless memories, about wasting time. She types... ]

It's not. It's not a waste of time, and it's not fine. Any day where you can still wake up and still remember who you are isn't a waste. You were pushed past your limits, took on way too much, and needed that month. Disengaging isn't a bad thing.

You understand though, right? In a place like this, away from your friends and family, you have to cling to any amount of happiness you can. You have to hold on to something, because the world will just get colder and more unfamiliar to you if you don't. You'll crumble... but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. Taking steps forward to find that happiness, to find a moment of peace is terrifying, but it's worth it. Even if it seems unrealistic, even if it would change everything.

Sometimes, to stay afloat, you have to be selfish. You have to pass on responsibility to someone else, you have to take time away, and you have to stop to have a good day with good people. I've never once thought I was wasting my time around you. I thought it was worth it, just to try to learn a little more about you.

...Inaba-san. I'm so sorry that I forced you into this. That I'm still trying to push you. I don't have the right to do that.

Just... tell me that you don't want my help or advice or anything like that, and I'll stop. I promise.

[dereban]

[ There's moments of Inaban is typing... that flickers in and out. ]

I don't deserve it.

[loveedition]

Yes you do. You've done nothing wrong.

[dereban]

It doesn't feel like it.

[loveedition]

...you know, they don't mind. I'm not upset at you. I don't think anyone is.

Someone spent a long time trying to convince me to forgive myself for what I've done... so, I'm willing to help you too. We'll take these steps together.

...and I'm going to bring you a small cake.

[dereban]

They've probably moved on by now. The world doesn't revolve around me and my problems, after all.

[loveedition]

Well. For some more than others.

[ Should she even... ]

He hasn't stopped worrying about you. He even gave me ideas on what to get you for Christmas.

[ Sorry, Yuuto. ]

Even discounting him. The spirits at the library really liked when you'd read to them. They miss you too.

Even if this world doesn't revolve around you, that doesn't mean anyone's forgotten you.

[dereban]

He really should stop doing that.

The spirits only miss me because I provided them a service. I'm nobody special.