【NETWORK 】username: Inaban

[dereban]

We're already halfway through November, huh. Can't believe that there's only fifteen days left. The end of the month will come before you know it.

Honestly, what I can be glad for is not having to deal with ridiculous paperwork on how Mariah Carey breached containment during this time of the year again. (Don't ask.)

But I guess since I'm typing all of this out, I might as well put out a question out there: anyone have any good ideas for celebrating important events by yourself?

Comments

[dereban]

I can only imagine. A lot of it would have to become handmade, or you'd have to describe how the decorations are and how they worked.

I suppose that's fair. But you shouldn't have to go out of your way for me.

[loveedition]

[ Ryoko doesn't respond for a while. She's fighting with herself again.

Finally. ]

You're right, I shouldn't have to. But you know something? I want to.

Inaba-san, who in the world asks others for their opinion on how to celebrate something alone? For that matter, why are you so concerned about the next month if you're trying to avoid thinking about Christmas?

Why do you keep trying to hide away?

[dereban]

It's easier for me to play a role in the shadows like I used to.

I'm a lone wolf, anyway.

So I don't really have to celebrate anything with others.

[loveedition]

You and I both know that's a lie.

Places like this make it so much harder to work in the background, and to actually deal with anything on your own. If you spent so long by yourself, being a "lone wolf", you'd go crazy.

You said it yourself before, didn't you? You're not an object to be disposed of. You're not someone that's only needed from time to time. You're not a project, you're a person.

And you're hurting. I know you're hurting.

[dereban]

I've been able to do it for countless years. This is no different.

Besides -

It's better than to play into their hands. I'm really fine. Honest.

[loveedition]

[ Again, constant typing in and out. ]

I saw it in your face, you know. It's why no matter what, I don't believe you.

...

You don't trust them anymore, do you?

[dereban]

Who do you mean?

[loveedition]

The kami. Those that started and keep hanging out with Satou-san.

[dereban]

I never said I entirely trusted them to begin with.

[loveedition]

Yeah. I mean, it never sounded like you were trying to treat them any differently than anyone else. They were just the same as everyone else.

[ Which, she can put two and two together, then. ]

I'm sorry.

[dereban]

I never would. I've known people from different walks of life and those who were human or just straight out aren't.

You don't need to apologize.

I chose what I had to.

[loveedition]

That's not why I'm apologizing.

You've been looking at this as me forcing myself to befriend you, or forcing myself to spend time with you so that you're not lonely. But that's not the case.

I'm forcing you. Maybe I can get away with that with others, but all I'm doing is making you feel worse, aren't I?

I'm sorry for that, Inaba-san. I just... don't want you to celebrate anything alone. Because there's nothing worse than forcing yourself to be happy when you're not.

[dereban]

It's fine. I just don't need to celebrate, I guess.

Whether that be Christmas or anything else.

[loveedition]

[ Anything else... what else could there be? Important events... were there any events in Canada that was important this or next month? She'd done a bit of research before she left home, they had a "Thanksgiving" in October...

... ]

Is... your birthday coming up?

[dereban]

Does it matter if it is or if it isn't?

[loveedition]

[ ....... ]

Yes? What kind of question is that? Of course it matters. Are you dumb?

[dereban]

There's more important things than my birthday.

[loveedition]

The hell there is. Unless you're getting into one of those "I didn't ask to be born" moods, then you're allowed to take a moment to enjoy and have a birthday.

Think about yourself for once. Let the world revolve around you for just one second.

[dereban]

Yeah, and how exactly am I supposed to enjoy it? None of my friends or family are here.

[loveedition]

And you've met zero people here that would give a damn about your birthday? Even if you don't consider them friends?

[ Which. Kind of stings a little, but wasn't completely unexpected. ]

[dereban]

I never said that.

[loveedition]

Then what? Can you only enjoy an event like that with the people you've met from home?

[dereban]

No.

I celebrated my birthday once, in the world I was in prior to this.

[ It's not home, after all. ]

But I don't think I can have a fun time here.

I'd only feel guilt.

[loveedition]

...I don't get it. Why would you?

[dereban]

It's a waste of time.

I already spent a whole month doing nothing. I gave up and let go of all the projects that I had thought about over the past couple of months. And what, you expect me to celebrate my birthday like everything here's fine?