starsand | closed w Elliot

[Leo waits for an answer. He's expecting a burst of anger, and rightfully so. Since they got here, Leo has been hiding his feelings from Elliot while disguising himself as a good friend. It should be repulsive. He doesn't expect Elliot to like the end of the written story, but that was the point. Leo wants to be yelled at. He wants someone to punish for Elliot's suffering and he's the only available target.]

But instead of a punch to the face, Leo is pulled into a hug. Before his hopes get ahead of him, Elliot apologizes.

Leo's heart sinks.

Sorry? For not liking him back? That's worse than being yelled at and punched. At least that would hurt on the outside, instead of making Leo feel hollow.

He doesn't dare raise his arm to return the hug, which he sees as sympathy.]

You've figured it out?

[It feels nice to be held by the person he loves. If this is a rejection, it's too kind. He doesn't deserve it. So Leo tries to pull away, thinking that it's a favor to Elliot.]

I don't need your pity.

[It's fine. Elliot doesn't need the hug to be reciprocated. He's not sure if he's making the right choice, but hiding his feelings is only hurting Leo. Maybe it would hurt less to just tell him, so he's going to--]

Your parallels aren't very subtle.

[He mumbles, selfishly resting his head against Leo's shoulder, embracing him and his warmth. But Leo pulls away and says something that has Elliot's anger flaring up all over again. Instead of releasing him, he holds onto his shoulders and glares, meeting his eyes stubbornly. He refuses to make another mistake and let Leo go. Not again.]

I never pitied you, you imbecile! So shut up and stop it with the self-pity--[Hypocrite]--and let me confess to you!

[Elliot's heart is racing, but there's no going back now.]

I l-- I really like you, you stupid, self-sacrificing idiot!!!

[They weren't meant to be subtle, Leo wanted to say. He had written that story so that Elliot could read his feelings off a page and it wasn't meant to be in the mystery genre. Leo partially succeeds in breaking the hug and knows he should look up. They should make eye contact one last time, as equals and friends, so it would be best if Leo tried to smile. That empty expression doesn't last long as Elliot's words wipe any trace of a (fake) smile from Leo's face.

Leo goes silent. He can hear his own heart racing too. He doesn't feel empty anymore either. But rather than smile and accept the confession like a normal human being, Leo feels his eyes tearing up and his lips tugging into a stubborn frown. There's heat rising in his chest and he's sure it's about to reach his face and turn him pink. Even his ears are beginning to burn an ugly shade of red.

It's horrible! Leo reaches out and softly grips Elliot's shirt to hold him in place, even though it's Leo who is most at risk of running.]

Well. The feeling's mutual. Now what?

[Seeing Leo look so distraught hurts, but it's much more preferable to the alternative. Of all the people Leo could fall for, it had to be him. Elliot feels his own cheeks flush, his palms hot as he moves one hand to hold Leo's and keep him there. It's dark outside, but there are enough lights around, and Leo's eyes are brighter than the stars scattered above. He opens his mouth to respond, but his answer comes out uncertain.]

Please come home.

[His other hand releases Leo, only so that he can affectionately touch his cheek.]

I want to figure this out with you...if you still want to.

[It feels like a dream. Leo has tried hard to temper his expectations over the weeks, prepared for any moment to turn awful again... but he can't do that right now. He's supposed to be good at using his imagination, but Leo can't think of any scenario where this goes wrong. Not when Elliot's hand is on his and they're looking at each other like this. There's no tragedy in the world that would make Leo want to undo this. When he feels Elliot's touch on his cheek, Leo also feels a gross tear.

He nods. Home. His home is Elliot, but Leo doesn't say it.]

I do too. I want to stay with you. [Leo hears his own voice shake and he loathes it. Elliot is acting so cool and charming while Leo is falling apart. Elliot doesn't even like romance books, does he? How does he know to do this?

Ah, but- On the note of books. Leo only wrote 'it' in the voice of a fictional character. He tightens his grip and meets Elliot's gaze firmly. At least his voice stays steady for the part that matters:] You're the one that I love, Elliot.

[straight to the point, no messing around with 'like.' Leo has stewed in these feelings for too long and he's done hiding them.]

[Elliot doesn't think he's acting cool. He feels quite flustered, but he's tired of hurting Leo and himself by trying to protect them, and wasting his time with misunderstandings. Mostly, despite all of his inner conflict, he's elated and relieved to know it's mutual. Leo wants to stay with him. He gives his hand a squeeze to wordlessly tell him he can take his time.

But what Leo hits him with next nearly has him stagger back. He feels like he just ran a marathon, but his heart feels more whole and put together than it has since he can remember. Leo loves him. He loves him and he wants to admit it, so Elliot needs to be honest too. They're equals, after all, best friends and now...now something else as well.]

I--I-- [It's embarrassing how much his voice shakes, his face hot and matching the hue Leo's was. But Elliot is stubborn, and he won't finish until he expresses his true feelings.]

I love you too, Leo!

[It may be unfair, but Leo finally smiles at that. His smile comes with a mix of a laugh and a tearful sound, evened out to be less shameful. The shaking in Elliot's voice only adds to the charm and puts him at ease. Leo is flattered that he would immediately switch words to match. There's no room in his heart to doubt Elliot's sincerity. His friend's noble, unyielding nature is his own opposite and while Elliot may find Leo's eyes beautiful, Leo finds Elliot's nature dazzling instead.

The pop of laughter passes quick and turns to a relieved sigh. Leo presses forward, hiding his face against Elliot's shoulder. He's so tired and wound up at once, but both feelings agree that he misses that earlier embrace. The warmth of Elliot's body feels like the sun and calms Leo's heart, steadying him in what is otherwise a whirlwind of happy emotions. Leo lowers his voice to a comfortable whisper, slowly moving his hand to hold onto Elliot from behind.]

I hit you hard earlier. I want to check up on you when we're home. [He says. While not making any indication that he's going to move.] There's so much I want to do.

[Any uncertainty Elliot may have felt immediately dissipates when he sees that smile, and for a moment he forgets to say anything as he stares at Leo in admiration and awe. He means every word, but hearing Leo confirm it first helps him say what he really wants to. Leo's laughter is a musical piece, short and beautiful and better than anything on the piano. It makes his own embarrassment more than worth it. He lets out a shaky laugh in response, leaning into the embrace. His whole body feels too warm and his pulse is a steady beat, but Leo smells nice ~~like roses~~. Elliot isn't about to end the hug anytime soon, not after how long he's waited.

He brushes a hand through the long strands of Leo's hair, letting his head rest against the side of Leo's. The whisper pierces through his own deafening heartbeat and there's a soft smile in his voice.]

Mn...I hit you first. Does it hurt...? [He honestly forgot about the ache on his forehead, having been distracted by...everything.] Me too. I'm glad we're here together, Leo.

Edited (coding and wrong icon oof) 2022-06-11 19:07 (UTC)

[~~Leo isn't the only one who smells like roses lately.~~ But it's nice. Elliot's scent, his warmth, his fingers running through Leo's hair- A lot of the subtle glances and touches from before make more sense now, but this makes the most sense now. Leo understands his own grief better too. When he set out on a destructive rampage, it was because there was a void in his heart that he wanted to fill with this. He'd put off saying anything to preserve their routine, but he can see now that it wasn't worth it. Even a second of holding Elliot like this, even with only one arm, would have been worth the risk.

A little (for them) punch seems so silly to worry about. Leo hums a dismissive note with his reply.]

No. I needed it anyway. [He'd been acting stupid. Their methods are questionable, but at least they always know when the other needs a sobering punch.

The fingers of his one hand curl in the fabric of Elliot's shirt. Quiet again for the next few seconds, Leo lets the present sink in. A lingering whisper of the past does mock him, trying to scare him with thoughts of the past and future, but Leo consciously forces it out of his mind. He closes his eyes, whispering at a lower level so that Elliot has the option of ignoring it.]

Your heart is beating... [He's not a ghost. Leo isn't screaming his feelings at a corpse.] I'm sorry it took me so long.

[Elliot would beat himself up for being subtle. He normally doesn't do subtle, so no wonder Leo misunderstood-- but Leo fits too nicely in his arms, and he's too caught up in the high of finally having his love accepted and returned to dwell on that. Elliot's jealousy and insecurities, all of it seem so stupid now. He had been trying to do the right thing for Leo's protection, when what they both needed was to move past their fears and be honest.]

Then we're even. [There had been countless times Leo had done the same favor for him. It was part of how they communicated with eachother. The arm that isn't looped around Leo so that his hand is in his hair reaches for the injured arm to hold the scarred skin in his palm.]

It is. [He affirms in a soft tone. Hearing those words doesn't sting. Elliot feels alive and whole, that emptiness he had been willing to ignore to try and repair Leo's filled. If Elliot is the sun, Leo is an entire galaxy of stars.] You know, it races when I think of you. [He laughs a little, burying his face in Leo's hair.] I'm sorry I was such an oblivious idiot.

[His breath hitches and Leo is sure he's turning a new shade of red. Elliot is so close and lovingly acknowledging his flaws. The only thing that he won't ask Elliot to acknowledge is his habit of hiding behind glasses, but that's fine. Leo wouldn't be sad if Elliot crushed them for real, actually. He doesn't need a keepsake when Elliot is right here.

Leo tries to quiet his own breathing, listening as he presses closer in the embrace.]

Mine too. I was trying to keep it quiet. [But it's not a secret anymore. Ever the musician, Leo notes that it's nice to have a new duet with Elliot. These new feelings are ones he looks forward to getting used to. Even knowing it won't be forever, Leo is much happier in knowing.

With smile brightens when Elliot buries his face again his hair. Leo even laughs and tightens his hold. His missing arm relaxes in Elliot's hold, trusting him with his past and future.] So you have nothing to apologize for. I told myself I only wanted to be at your side.

[He sighs contently, before adding;] My story was really stupid, huh? I'm glad I asked for your help.

[They have always been equals, and that means facing eachother's flaws and calling them out as well as their strengths. Now that means acknowledging that he loves everything about Leo-- not just his intelligence, loyalty and smile, but what makes him weak as well. Elliot's known he's loved everything about Leo for a while.]

It's not fair if I'm the only one being loud. [He's teasing him. Every duet has an ending, but he is grateful that they're playing the piece of their choice, and not settling for anything less. If it's temporary, then Elliot wants to feel everything--every ounce of happiness, every hand-hold and soft glance, every time Leo attempts to make coffee--he wants to experience all of it, and he wants the same for Leo. He gently massages Leo's stump, his hand tangled in his hair.]

You're the only one I've ever wanted by my side. I hope you know that.

[Elliot had never planned to marry, or even pretend to date. He can't help but laugh at the comment, his face warm as he selfishly pulls Leo closer.] This ending's better. For Book 1, anyway. ...Looks like you'll need to write a sequel.

[Leo buries his face against Elliot's shoulder, indulging in the shared warmth and encouraging a closer embrace. The feeling of his touch on Leo's stump is strange, but not unwelcome and only encourages Leo to relax. He's sure his heart isn't quiet anymore as he appreciates Elliot's touch. The sound of their duet is comforting. Leo briefly wonders how 'Statice' would sound at this pace, but keeps that embarrassing thought private.]

Then I won't share you. I won't hold back either? [Though, perhaps he will slowly ease into making his feelings obvious in public. Even the most affectionate couples back home acted with a level of privacy. It's equal parts exciting and terrifying to imagine how their relationship will change.]

Yes. I'll have to rewrite the ending... No. It feels more like a new beginning. This 'story' will be new. [Glen can keep their hands off this one too.

With another content sigh, Leo does reluctantly whisper;] But I really do need to bring you home. I am serious about checking your head, Elliot. If this story starts with a bruise on your forehead then I'll be very upset.

[Elliot inhales deeply, his own heart a racing tempo that he doesn't wish to quiet. It's proof to him that this is real. Leo has changed so much, yet he hasn't at the same time. Embracing him feels right. He wants to write a new song with Leo, something just for him that is meant for him from the beginning.] You've never held back when it's important. You're a pain like that.

[He teases him gently. As much as he wants to convince himself he'll be cool about this, Elliot is easy to fluster, even moreso about someone so precious to him. He holds onto Leo selfishly, burying his face in his shoulder.] I won't share you either. Deal with it.

[Those words don't make Elliot gasp, or tear up, or react noticeably, but when he hears Leo say that his heart feels lighter, like he's floating.] I like that...but the new story needs a new title.

Leo. [Elliot grumbles stubbornly, tightening the hug a little.] I told you I am fine.

Good. [Leo chuckles softly, voice lowering in a sincere note:] Don't let anyone else have me, Elliot. I'm yours alone, 'Master.'

[A bold declaration, more romantically intended than anything Leo expected of himself. But hearing Elliot's heart next to his own and knowing how real this is gives Leo the courage to be braver. Perhaps a bit more honest with his own darkness than is socially accepted, but this is Elliot. If anyone will accept Leo and all his broken parts, it's Elliot. When Leo whispers the formal title of 'master' this time, he means to give Elliot permission to be possessive. Leo knows that he will certainly be greedy and selfish for the start of their relationship. He won't be a fairytale lover and he knows it.

Part of that means sighing in fake annoyance and, in the same breath, lifting his hand behind Elliot's head to brush the hair at the base of his neck.]

Then how am I going to let you go? I'll stay here forever if you don't give me a reason to release you... [He brushes his face against Elliot's shoulder affectionately,] I've wanted this 'story' for so long.

[...Give Elliot a moment, because if his heart was racing before, now it's deafening. He's never really read any romance books, his knowledge on the subject practically nonexistent, but Leo's words--

Elliot feels a bit dizzy. He doesn't break the embrace, but he does lift up his head to look at him, not even attempting to hide the fact that he's flustered. A furious pink dusts across his cheek, neck and ears, and he briefly forgets how to use words.]

............Ah?

[He squeezes the fabric of Leo's shirt and makes a noise between embarrassment and awe at the simple movement of Leo's hand. He'd always accept the darkest and most broken parts of Leo, just as he's certain Leo would accept his destructive anger and unpleasant parts...but since when had Leo become so good at this?!

Afraid that if he speaks it will just be a clumsy disaster of words, he experimentally lets go one hand to tilt Leo's chin up and search his eyes. His blush would put some of their former classmates to shame, but he tries to say something.]

I-- I know you have. I have too. [...] Don't release me, Leo.

[This side of Elliot is precious and Leo is guilty of enjoying the way Elliot forgets his words. Seeing his own have such a strong effect is satisfying. Leo knows well that the sight of Elliot turning pink and flustered would have fetched a pretty penny at school... But he's selfish. He won't even tell anyone that Elliot can look like this. Leo's greed for his friend has already started.

He lets Elliot lift his head and meets his gaze. Breathless himself as he admires the clear blue of Elliot's eyes, shameless in how he searches for an answer. Leo raises just slightly on his toes as a wordless offer. They've only just confessed, but he's the worst servant. He wants more than he can give in return and the includes wanting all of Elliot. Every flash of anger and gentle moment between.

He's reminded of the first time he envied a tea cup that got to touch his friend's lips.]

Are you sure you want to say that to me, Elliot? [His whisper is as much a challenge as an offer. Leo isn't holding back the dark glint in his eyes as he holds himself tiptoe, just enough to even the small distance in their height.] I may very well choose never to free you now that you're mine.

[Elliot prefers it that way. He shares this side with Leo because he is dear to him; it isn't something he does lightly, but that he trusts Leo with. He can be vulnerable around him, just like Leo is able to be honest with him.

And he likes that Leo is possessive of him. As flustering as it is, knowing that Leo wants him leaves his body warm and a soft feeling in his chest. He holds his breath as Leo stands on his toes, watching his lips move and how his eyes seem like sparks.

He yearns to lean in and feel those lips against his, but would that be too bold?]

...You're impossible. You always do what you want. [He huffs, seeing the challenge for what it is and of course refusing to relent. His words may be strong, but as he holds Leo's face in his hands, his movements are gentle, brushing a stray strand of hair away from his cheek as he leans in slowly to capture his friend's lips with his. It's delicate, shy...but Elliot has never felt this excited and nervous all at once.]

[Elliot isn't wrong: Leo will do what he wants. He had been ready to initiate a kiss himself, providing that Elliot sent the appropriate signals. If he's shy, then Leo will be bold. He knows that when it's his turn to be shy, Elliot will be what Leo cannot. To Leo, Elliot can fill any emptiness with light.

So it's fitting that, just as Leo is getting lost in his adoration, Elliot should take the initiative. Leo feels a skip in his pulse as their lips touch, having not expected Elliot to take action. His body feels light and warm. Leo keeps his hand behind Elliot's head and closes his eyes, trusting himself to this feeling. It's nothing like what he's read in books. It's endlessly light. No one had written a warning for how pleasantly vulnerable their first kiss would leave him feeling.

Leo breaks the kiss to breath. Another thing that books didn't prepare him for. Making eye contact again, Leo is completely silent. His heart is racing and he can feel warmth colouring his face. He's supposed to be good with words, but Leo can't find a single one to describe how he feels. It reminds him of watching light return to the Abyss.]

[Leo is anything but empty to Elliot. There's darkness, deep and angry that makes Elliot's own rage seem minuscule, but he's certainly not empty. It's just that most people don't bother to look-- a dark pond could be a few inches deep, or it could span hundreds of feet. But Elliot was lonely, and Leo is the one person who can handle his more jagged edges without being patronizing. He punches him and calls him out on his stupidity when he deserves it, yet he sees Elliot for who he really is: an equal. They balance eachother out and anticipate eachother's actions, much like their duets.

He's nervous and awkward about the kiss at first, holding his breath, but slowly he relaxes a bit. The excitement and newness of it is incomparable to reading a new book or writing a new song-- Leo's warmth, his scent, the way he holds Elliot still, everything is so vivid now. Leo has no idea. He has no idea of how brilliant he makes Elliot's world.

His heart has not stopped its racing, but in Elliot's ears its muted now. He wants to write this precious memory into his heart and keep it to himself. The kiss ends, and Elliot opens his eyes, breathless and flushed like he just ran a marathon. His own expression is almost shy, but he can't tear his gaze away from the constellations in Leo's eyes and the way that he looks back at him. He doesn't need words right now. This is more than enough.]

[The kiss is broken and Leo still can't find the right words. There's a lot to say, yet nothing needs to be said either. The look they share silently speaks for them anyway. Leo's hand slips from behind Elliot's head, across his shoulder, and eventually clutches the front of his shirt.
Though he wants to stare into those eyes forever, Leo realizes he's dizzy with happiness and has to rest his head on Elliot's shoulder. The quiet is comfortable and he doesn't want to immediately break it. When he turns his head to look at the garden, Leo finds that the world is more dazzling than before. He's not sure if he's seeing the Abyss, or if maybe this is that 'love tinted world' that romance novels like to go on about. It sounded so stupid and cliché on the page that he's almost embarrassed to experience it in practice.

Leo didn't realize the world could be bright and beautiful. He sighs and buries his face shyly against Elliot again.]

... Take me home, Elliot. [Such a bossy servant.]

[It sounds cliche and cheesy, but Elliot doesn't need words right now. He feels like he can understand everything by Leo's gaze alone, which is completely ridiculous, but how he feels. He holds Leo's hand in his own, keeping his other wrapped around his shoulder, his servant's head on his shoulder a comfortable weight that proves this is real and not a dream. Smiling, Elliot lets his head drop against Leo's, breathing in his scent.

It is beautiful, isn't it? All of it. From the garden and the stars to Leo's bossiness and their arguments and quiet moments.

Maybe it's because he's still floating in that dreamlike daze, but when Leo says it like that...he wants to try something and tease him. Still gentle, he quite literally sweeps Leo off his feet to hold him princess-style. It's silly and unheard of back home, and it embarrasses Elliot just as much-- but Leo's the one who ordered him to take him home.]

Hm...I was right. You are light.

[Separating to walk home would have been a necessary disappointment. Leo would have taken Elliot's hand and tried to lean against his shoulder, but even that wouldn't be the same as their current comfortable state. He feels Elliot begin to move and sighs quietly, reminding himself that this isn't the end but the beginning--

And then his feet are off the ground. Leo yelps in surprise and grabs Elliot's shoulder, instinctively clinging before he fully understands what has happened. It's not until Elliot comments on his weight that it all clicks. Leo can't turn off an embarrassed stutter as he struggles for words-]

E, Elliot! What are you... [It's not actually the worst thing to happen. And Leo knows that if he protests too much, Elliot will probably put his down as a tease. That's not what Leo wants either.

So he swallows his nerves and stubbornly puts his arm around Elliot's neck. If he's going to be embarrassing, then Leo will return the favor! Now they can both die.]

... Drop me and I'm taking you with me.

[Elliot can't help it. When he sees Leo's reaction he laughs, light and unburdened by his old worries. Seeing Leo get so flustered is...it's cute, especially since he can always rely on Leo to have a snarky and eloquent comment prepared. It's very rare to see him stumbling over his words like this, and Elliot feels a bit smug knowing he accomplished that.

Ah...but stupid Leo is also a lot quicker to adapt. He immediately goes quiet as it backfires (only not really). Elliot isn't sure if it's physically possible to blush so much, but here they are and if Leo is going to be stubborn he's going to be equally stubborn.]

Tch. You really think I'd be clumsy enough to drop you?

[Still, now that he's holding Leo he finds he doesn't really want to put him down. Holding onto him, he starts walking back to their apartment.]

No. I think you'd drop me out of spite!

[Or, well. A stubborn need to win an argument. Leo knows that Elliot wouldn't drop him for a cruel reason like spite. He presses his face against Elliot's shoulder anyway and commits to at least being comfortably humiliated.
The most that Elliot is going to get on the way home is a soft mumble. Other than that, Leo is silent for the walk because he knows he'll say something stupid and hand Elliot an easy victory. That's not how things work between them!]

... I love you, Elliot. Thank you.

You're an idiot!

[Elliot shouts back. It's good the garden is empty by this hour, otherwise the stares they would have attracted may have made Elliot melt into a puddle of embarrassment on the spot.

But Leo is warm and easy to carry, and as they walk in silence Elliot finds it becomes more natural and less awkward, though he still feels feverish. Can love actually make you sick?]

I love you too. ...Don't run away again.

[He holds him a bit closer, whispering the last part and sounding more vulnerable as he does. He goes quiet again for the rest of their trip back home. Their home.]

Edited 2022-06-18 06:17 (UTC)

closed w Elliot

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