Oma Kokichi (王馬 小吉) | Danganronpa (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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starsand2022-06-22 11:33 pm
violetlies) wrote in starsand2022-06-22 11:33 pm
Kokichi Open and Closed Log
[i: in which loafy is far too honest, again (closed to
luminarian/Kaito)][Kokichi has continued to take things one day at a time. It's not easy. At all. Not when he's never let himself process anything - he doesn't cry, he doesn't falter, he just keeps moving forward and never looking b back, because he's the Ultimate Supreme Leader. He doesn't have time to look back, and he's been making good progress.
Loafy, of course, has been beside him every step of the way. So has Ryoma, but Ryoma's busy at the moment - so it's just Kokichi and Loafy. The small bread dog has been his trusty companion ever since Kokichi took it upon himself to rescue the formerly-rampaging spirit, and he hasn't regretted it since. Loafy pads along beside him, humming to himself before the bread dog seems to get distracted for a moment.
Kokichi, for his part, isn't aware. He has groceries and he's taking them home, taking the scenic route so Loafy can get a good walk in. It's just then when Loafy darts off ahead, leaving Kokichi stunned.]
Hey--! Why're you--?!
[Loafy has padded up to a person he caught eyes of, mostly because he recognizes the jacket. "You! We've been looking for you, Kaito!" The bread-dog also talks. "Shishou has missed you! He won't tell you but he missed you so much!"
Kokichi eventually catches up, and--he nearly drops his groceries. Oh. Shit.
"Look, Shishou! He's finally here!"
There's a million things Kokichi wants to say, but he isn't sure how to put them right now. So what comes out is...]
...Hey there, Dumby. Y'look lost. Want some help~?
[ii: in which kokichi is another year older, but not wiser]
[On the morning of his birthday, Kokichi doesn't expect much. Mostly because he doesn't imagine anyone to care too too much. There's Ryoma - obviously - but is there really anyone else? ...Chron, maybe. The Kami of Love? Possibly. Velda and Rui, maybe. But it's just another year on his shoulders. Another year people find hard to believe, considering his appearance.
He's gone and gotten himself a personal piece of chocolate cake, and he's now sitting in the park, eating it with Loafy sitting next to him.
"Is this how birthday parties normally go, Shishou?"]
Not quite. Buuuuuuuut we're not in a normal location, so. Eh.
[iii: in which kokichi desires fun]
[In all honesty, Kokichi hadn't looked for fun places much. Everything had been so...everything in Starsand that he just never had the idea to. But now things've calmed a bit, so he's going down streets he hasn't before, looking for new places to find new entertainment. Loafy is doing the same, though he was distracted by a café earlier - unsurprisingly, they were NOT looking for picnic food that day.
Well. Kokichi wasn't, at least.
Loafy padded on ahead, opening his mouth in a big yawn. "What do you even wanna see, Shishou?"]
Dunno. Something fun. We'll see it when we see it. Maybe other people have suggestions.
["A picnic would be good!" Loafy exclaimed. Kokichi smiled patiently.]
Yeah. I know. You want what you want. Let's see if there's anything else first.
no subject
[He sighs as Loafy pads over and sits next to him.]
First of all, me lying is nothing different. And Miss Murderess hardly needed any provocation - she rushed at me with blind confidence in something I had no idea about and oops looks like suddenly I'm dying. And it wasn't just a plan to do that. It was a plan to trick Monokuma, but it was ALSO a plan to save your dumb murdering girlfriend. Did THAT work?
I don't think you have too much room to talk, you and your 'my bones are squishy' disease that you kept to yourself. And I thought we kind of went 'well, it's all ending anyway' before dying together.
[Loafy looks a little distraught. "...Shishou? Loafy doesn't like this. Loafy thought you really liked....mnnn..." The little bread-dog sat there, looking confused, distraught, and near tears. Kokichi looked over to it, then immediately walked over to him quickly, gently letting Loafy nuzzle up to his leg. "Don't fight. Shishou was so happy when he realized his wishing and charm worked. Ryoma will be happy, too...why is there fighting...?"
Kokichi sighs softly.]
It's okay, Loafy. It's okay. Calm down.
[Kokichi is quiet for a second before he cocks his head.]
Dumby. I need to get my groceries home and I saved rooms for if anyone showed up, and now you have. Ryoma's here too. If you don't want to be alone and you wanna keep chewing me out, follow me.
...Loafy, we'll talk more nicely when we get home.
[He turns on his heel and begins heading home. If Kaito follows him, that's fine. If not...he'll probably do anything to get him to follow, but far be it from him to admit it.]
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You know, there’s a big difference between not telling people shit so they don’t worry and telling everybody you’re the goddamn mastermind. I know Maki Roll’s not the hardest to piss off, but come on, dude. You had to know that was gonna bite you in the ass either way.
[ He doesn’t address the girlfriend thing. Now’s not the time. And he’s still… not sure how he feels about all of that. He’s never been confessed to by a girl before - not that Kokichi knows about any of that at all. But he must have caught onto her feelings at some point if he’s referring to her like that.
Whatever. It’s something to think about later, or stubbornly not think about at all. ]
I’m only coming with you to see Ryoma. For the record. I never liked the way things ended with him.
[ He’s still not unconvinced this is the afterlife. ]
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[He falters for a moment. He's not happy about what he did either.]
...well, he was gone too. [yeah.
And it's not like Maki's feelings were a secret, especially to the one who was bravely confronted by her and her stupid crossbow. He still held a bit of a grudge for that.]
And that's fine. But he's my best friend now, so you've gotta be nice to me, too.
[He continues to walk down the street. There's a few kids who see Kokichi as he walks by, and they light up. He gives them a little friendly nod.
And, of course, that's when the nickname pops up.
"That's Bread Man, isn't it?" "Yeah! It's Bread Man!"
And Kokichi is so usually unphased by this that he just. beams.]
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[ That’s enough to distract him, at least momentarily. He takes a few strides forward, his long legs enabling him to catch up to Kokichi’s side easily. ]
How the hell did you manage that? I always figured he had a pretty good head on his shoulders.
[ If asked, he could say he meant to insult Kokichi, that’s just their relationship - but honestly, when he says it, he doesn’t realize it could be insulting at all. Kokichi’s notoriously hard to deal with. He seems to pride himself in it. ]
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Considering it culminated with Ryoma and I trapped in a laboratory and forced to do a 'test' each, along with...about 14 other people.
[no doubt that sounds familiar]
Plus. He knows I'm cute and overall a delightful individual.
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[ He's not arguing, just. Hmm.
He stares stubbornly off into the distance as they continue to walk, taking in the scenery and willing his mind not to wander. He's still pissed, but he's trying to keep it in. No more yelling in the street. They're going to have a moment of peace now.
But really, he knows: if he keeps thinking about it, it'll all come back to the Exisal Hangar, to Kokichi's last moments, that torturous sequence of events. Wondering if he could have done something differently, if there was a way to make it right.
]If he could have saved them both.
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[He's still bristling a little, too, but it's at least turned a bit inwardly towards himself. Right. He fucked everything up - forgot that everyone would remember him for his fuckups, and not much else, but he's too proud to apologize in public. And he doesn't want to do it where his rep could be ruined.
He has people liking him. He can't ruin that. He might anyway, but he's trying not to.
The quiet is a moment of peace, but Kokichi tended to hate quiet because it made his thoughts wander. Darting from idea to idea, what if to if only and so on and so forth. None of it was particularly good. He furrowed his brow, and it's not too long before they reach his house.]
...
Just so you know, he might not be home for a while. But you can wait with Loafy and I if all you want is to talk to him, then leave.
[He isn't looking at him as he unlocks the door and steps inside. He takes in a good amount of air as the lights automatically turn on. It's a fairly nice living room. Loafy scampers onto the couch while Kokichi heads to the kitchen to put the groceries away.
He hasn't looked back once, but that's because he's not sure what to do when he does.]
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He lets the quiet linger for a few moments longer, glancing towards Kokichi as he moves towards the kitchen, then to Loafy on the couch. After a moment more of hesitation, he joins Loafy, making himself comfortable next to him.
He lets himself breathe in the atmosphere for a minute, taking a good look at his surroundings. Maybe later Kokichi will offer him a tour. Maybe he'll let him. It won't quite be an apology, and it won't quite be forgiveness, but it'll be change. It'll be a new start. Isn't that what he wanted? What he thought he was getting when he turned up here?
He spares a look towards the kitchen before biting the bullet and speaking up. ]
I'm not just gonna up and leave. Not when I finally ran into someone familiar.
[ This isn't reconciliation, it's safety. It's easier this way, he tells himself, even if things with Kokichi have never been easy. ]
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"Oh, yeah! Shishou found one of your things." Loafy chirps. The bread-dog bounds up and heads down the hall before stopping inside a room. He walks in, and then walks out a minute later dragging something out with his teeth. The something Loafy drags out is...a very familiar coat. He puts the coat at Kaito's feet, then remarks - "Shishou had it washed and took care of it because...he didn't wanna take it off for a while after he woke up at the kami factory in it. He was sad. Now he's not." The bread-dog's tail wags as he hops back up onto the couch, settling next to Kaito again. "Shishou waited for you - specifically you. So please don't dislike Shishou."
Kokichi finally walks out of the kitchen a minute after that.]
...
You don't have to leave if you don't want to. I found this place because it was big, so...I'd be able to find everyone when they showed up. And keep them safe. So that's fine.
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Kokichi can try to scrub it out, but he's left his mark. Something has changed.
He turns it over to inspect the back, but his eyes stop on the left sleeve. Where he expected to find a bolt-sized hole, he instead finds four tiny stitches, a pop of white on the otherwise purple fabric. It's nothing near Kirumi's tidy handiwork, but it's a effort.
Kokichi is trying to mend things. Something about that makes Kaito's gut turn. He's not sure he wants it yet. But... he's sure he will. Eventually. ]
...Then I'll stick around.
[ He tosses the jacket over the back of the couch, discarding it, as if he didn't just spent the last five minutes familiarizing himself with its every nook and cranny. ]
You can keep the jacket. I've still got my good one.
[ He shrugs, showing off the one he's got on now. ]
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He picks the jacket up, holding it to his chest.]
This is a good one. But yeah, okay. I was gonna keep it anyway. I woke up in it. Loafy just...got ahead of himself.
[It's not lightly, it's close to his chest. He sighed, shaking his head softly.]
Then fine. If you want to know where anything is...just ask. Take any of the empty rooms.
[It hurts. It hurts.
He'll hold it closer as he sits down and makes some kind of attempt to relax, because it hurts.]
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Kokichi is... he doesn't know what Kokichi is. He felt like he had a clear view of him, for once, before the trial, before the end of both of their lives, but he seems so different here. Kaito doesn't know if it's the circumstances that have changed him, or if one persona is another one of Kokichi's lies. He doesn't want to believe the latter - he wants to toss everything aside and believe in Kokichi whole-heartedly, but...
But he's been burned one too many times. Not only that, but it's easier this way, isn't it? Forgiveness involves acknowledgement. Forgiveness involves sitting down and talking through their feelings. Forgiveness involves a whole lot of vulnerability that Kaito knows he's not ready for yet. They might as well take it easy for now.
There's a part of him that cares. There's a stubborn part of him that still wants Kokichi around, despite it all.
He takes a deep breath and faces him head-on. Puts on his best smile. Because Kokichi may know how to lie, but Kaito knows how to pretend, which is a skill all on its own. ]
Okay. Cool.
[ They're cool. Or, they will be. And as he passes by Kokichi, heading towards the hallway, he reaches down and ruffles his hair. A reassurance. They're not where they were before, clinging to each other for life in the Exisal Hangar, both each other's last hope. Kaito hasn't forgiven... but he can act like he's forgotten.
Because that's what Kokichi needs right now, he tells himself. It sure looks like it, anyways. And it's simpler to believe in that than to over-analyze every word he said back in the hangar, again and again and again and again -
(It plays on repeat in his head.)
He musses up Kokichi's hair and gives him a playful smile. ]
I'll go find a room. When Ryoma gets home, tell him I'm here. And... I'll see you in the morning, alright?
1/2
And yet he got none of that. He lost before to gain nothing. And now, he lives outside of the killing game. In a way, he won. And he never wanted to win. He never expected to win. He just...did. Ryoma and Kaito won, too. But everyone else...he had to carry on for them.
It was rougher still, now, that the person he liked was right there. The person who caused complicated feelings in him - it was so easy to say before that he loved him, he would do anything to get him there, he got that dumb love charm that was hanging in his room, he was keeping that jacket, it was transparent and he was pathetic. And yet still, he feared. Because he couldn't trust easily, couldn't trust himself, couldn't be happy in the thought of pining from afar but felt such childish possessiveness otherwise.
...Perhaps Kaito hadn't felt the need to cling to Kokichi as his last hope here, once more, but Kokichi had felt that feeling repeatedly. Even when he was trapped in the Kami Laboratory to begin with, he half felt like peering out the class, hoping that his dumbass hero would suddenly appear out of nowhere and save him, but that was stupid. The villain never gets that, and even there he'd been forced to do his villain role agian.
His thoughts were disrupted by--that smile, that stupid smile, he hates it, he hates him for making him so weak and stupid. But he adores it, he can't get enough of it, even if it's somewhat fake - Kokichi and his talent for knowing minor details in expression - it's...Kaito's pretending like everything's fine. It's not, but making too much of a change to the status quo right away would be too much, wouldn't it?
It'd all be too terrifying, and they were scared, and he wanted...he wanted so much for things to be okay.
He gets his hair ruffled, and he huffs.]
My hair's messy enough, Dumby!
2/2
And an unfamiliar smile forms on his face, one Kaito hasn't seen before. It's soft, and it's sweet - reserved, almost, unlike almost evey other one of Kokichi's expressions - it's gentle.
He almost looks like a normal boy. Not Kokichi Oma, Ultimate Supreme Leader. Just...Kokichi.]
Okay.
Have a nice night. I'll see you in the morning.
[He turns away. Then, said very quietly--]
...I'm glad you're here. Really.
[That's all the honesty he can manage. And he immediately starts walking off without looking back. Back to the living room.]
no subject
I know. Even guys like you have to like the Ultimate Astronaut.
[ He turns away and heads down the hall, lifting his arms up and resting his hands on the back of his head. It's a carefree stance - and even if it doesn't reflect all of his emotions, it reflects the ones he's feeling right now. It feels like a weight's been lifted off of his shoulders, even if there are still about ten more still dragging him down.
For now, he walks a little lighter. And tomorrow, maybe he'll walk with a spring in his step, too. ]