starsand | june catchall ★ ai hoshino

[ During the hours when she isn't rehearsing, she's reading The 100 Fallen Stories.

Eventually, her eyes glaze over a particular story and as she reads it, she immediately feels sick. For a moment, it almost reminds her of the gut wrenching feeling that she had when the news was shown all over Shibuya, plastered on live billboards for everyone to see at the crossing.

But then — there's a blink and she's sucked into the memory.

She's no longer [Arima Kana].

She's in pain, physical pain, and it hurts--

But more importantly, she can hear the yells and cries of the two most important people to her. And in spite of everything, how she can feel her own life basically leaving her fingertips, she still manages to say the most important words to her two most important people; it's bittersweet, but honest and true, breaking through the pain before she's gone...

And then she's back, staring at the words on pages, tears falling from her eyes. She doesn't know where the emotions from the memory end and where her own feelings start.

To be honest, she's kind of jealous, that Ai at least, at the very end of it all, managed to be honest with herself when Kana can't. ]

Edited 2023-06-22 06:29 (UTC)

[ Ai and Kana don't have a ton of overlap in their practice schedules – Ai's an idol and Kana's an actress, after all – but with how often they're both at the agency for mandatory rehearsals, it's not uncommon for them to cross paths. She's gotten used enough to Kana's presence that she almost doesn't think to look twice when she passes Kana in the break room – but then the light catches the tears rolling down her face and Ai whips back around. ]

Arima-san? [ She sounds a little uncertain, like she's not sure if she should be saying anything at all - so she tries to make a joke of it. ] Ah... one of those books, is it?

'Those'... you know what this book is?

[ She steadies her voice, wiping her tears with a sleeve as she tries to pull herself back together. It's awful, what she had to experience just moments ago and she's still riding on the emotions that are carried deep in the memory, but she tries to press on regardless. ]

Well, it's a real tearjerker. I can tell that for sure.

[ She says it a little flippantly, like she's trying to brush the whole thing off as a joke, but as she takes in the expression on Kana's face, the smile on her own in turn slides off. ]

... is everything okay?

. . . I saw your death.

[ Her voice is extremely quiet, almost a mere whisper. ]

[ Ai freezes. It's like someone's hit a pause button on her as she stares down at Kana and tries to process those words. She hears them but they don't seem to make any sense - or rather, she doesn't want to make any sense of them.

It takes a long, long few seconds before she's able to talk at all and when she does, her voice comes out shaky and a little uncertain. Really, it's a miracle that she's able to say anything at all. ]

Ah... ahah... Arima-san, that's not...

[ That's not funny she almost says, as if there's any possibility this could be a joke, even a cruel one. But her voice dies, even if her mouth carries on trying to make the right shapes.

Pause. Swallow. Start again. ]

W–what do you mean?

Sorry.

[ There's a sullenness to the way she speaks, because it isn't as if Kana wants to talk about this. She feels a bitterness in her mouth, something turning in her stomach, uneasy. ]

There was something written... in this book. And after I looked at it, I actually saw the whole thing.

[ The cries ringing in her ears, desperate. ]

[ Her stomach goes cold-hot-cold, as if there were a shard of ice jammed in there. She has the horrible feeling of having been stripped bare, of having any kind of shield or armor ripped off her and she'd been left raw and bleeding for everyone to see. It's bad enough for the time she'd spent with B-Komachi to have followed her here but at least that had been public to start with, the parts of herself she'd chopped up and sold to anyone who'd take them. But that moment – that one pure and shining moment that had been ugly and dirty, beautiful and true, the words that had been for Aqua and Ruby alone, the idea of those words, too, being stolen from her and sold to anyone who wanted to gawk–

Her whole body is shaking. She feels like she might be sick. She's numb all the way from the top of her head to the soles of her feet.

Ai holds out her hand. ]

I want to see.

[ In that toneless, flat voice...

She sounds a little too much like Aqua does. ]

Alright.

[ Of course she's going to hand the book over to Ai without any question. And honestly, she feels sick to her stomach still and wants to run, but- she wills herself to keep it together.

At least for these few moments.

Once she's alone, in her house, with nobody else to see...

She can finally let go. ]

[ It feels like she's having Kana hand her a poisonous insect instead of an innocent looking little book of stories. Her hands feel dirty at all the points they touch it, her fingers tingling as she leafs through the book to find the page Kana had come across.

It's shorter than she expects it to be. Less detailed and somehow, strangely tasteful. But even just reading it like this, she feels it. The white hot pain in her midsection, her freezing cold skin, the coppery taste in her mouth and the feeling of Aqua trembling like a baby bird in her arms. She'd made herself forget all of it, crammed it into the back of her head where it couldn't be seen but now it's tumbling back out and she doesn't know if she can put it back again.

Her eyes are fever-bright and what colour there had been in her face has vanished. She looks like...

Well. Like a ghost. ]

Where... how did they...?

Even I couldn't tell you the answer to that. But if I had to guess, probably some magic crap or something like that.

[ If it wasn't official before, it certainly is now: she absolutely abhors the supernatural. ]

Are there... a lot of copies?

[ She asks the question in the tone of someone who absolutely doesn't want to hear the answer, but can't stop herself from asking anyway. ]

It's been pretty popular, so I'd assume so.

[ Kana answers truthfully; she is very much aware of that tone of voice- after all, she's an actress, she can pick up on things like this. And yet, she gives Ai something that she probably didn't want to hear.

But it's better than a lie. ]

[ Ryuunosuke really didn't understand show business. There was no way she could. She didn't know how the Agency would take her audition, and yet she passed with flying colors. So now she was an entertainer?

It was all so quick and so weird that she didn't think anything of it until the crowds just started overwhelming her. It was frustrating, but at least during rehearsals, she could avoid them for a little bit.

She waited around, watching the others perform sometimes. Watching them in cute outfits, getting to be as bubbly and adorable as they can. Honestly, it was hard to keep her eyes off of the one, this Ai. Something about how she commanded the stage just drew her in.

At the moment, she was half paying attention to that and also half idly flipping through a copy of this 100 Fallen Stories book. Not much catching her eye, until she catches an interesting story-- and her vision changes.

To give her glimpses into somethings that were hollow, fleeting moments of what couldn't even be described as "happiness"-- and then.

The feeling of being near two children, spending her days away from all of this entertainment bullshit, where she got the closest to happy as she could get.

Ah... were they her kids? Nah, couldn't be, she looked far too young--

Even so, to have that kind of strong presence, if not a mom then a big sister, Ryuunosuke doesn't even notice it when she sighs and speaks during a down period. ]

S'probably nice, huh...

[ Dress rehearsals are nothing new, but being watched in rehearsals by so many unfamiliar faces is. She's been dancing with B-Komachi for just shy of half her life at this point so she's used to the ins and outs of practicing with them but these new faces are all just that – new. It means she has to make sure to sparkle and dazzle them, even when she's not supposed to be giving it her all.

She's worn out by the time she drifts back towards Ryuunosuke to snag her bottle of water and take a long, hearty chug but even so, she's ready to right back to performing without a break only for Ryuunosuke's words to make her go still. ]

Hmm? What's nice?

[ she probably shouldn't be nosy, but... ]

[ Ryuunosuke's thoughts are interrupted and she's caught off guard, sitting up straight when she's spoken to. Seeing her up close, it really was difficult to pull her eyes away.

She hadn't even noticed that she'd said anything! ]

Ah-- no, I mean-- y-your rehearsal, y-you're doing a nice job!

[ She rapidly closes the book, nervous. She can't just outright say what she saw...! ]

[ ... Sure thing... she isn't going to actually express that doubtfulness out loud, of course, but that's a pretty transparent cover up. It'd be mean to push too hard so instead, she puts on her usual sparkly smile and decides to play innocent. ]

Oh, you really think so? I was worried I wasn't on beat enough, but if the audience likes it, then that's all that matters.

[ Her dazzling smile turns up a few notches. ]

It's sweet of you to say it, though.

Y-Yeah, that's true, huh--

[ This feels entirely too awkward, and Ryuunosuke clears her throat. There's a way to bring it up, but she's not entirely sure... ]

Did... did ya have practice before this? I mean, before comin' here?

Mm, that's right. [ Said before she takes another good swig of her water then screws the cap back on. ] I debuted when I was twelve so I've been an idol for... oh, just about eight years now? Wow, time really flies!

[ She titters more to herself than Ryuunosuke. ]

So I guess I've got a bit of an unfair advantage compared to some of the other people who signed on.

Y-You were twelve?! Eight years....

[ Ryuu's world feels like it's expanding! Who knew idols could be veterans at such a young age. Twenty, huh? ]

You must've been really talented when you were a brat. [ A beat. ] I mean, a kid.

[ The modest thing to do would be to deflect and deny it, of course – but Ai's never been a particularly modest girl so instead she gives Ryuunosuke a wink and a little extra twinkle. ]

I wasn't half bad! I never really thought about getting into the whole idol thing, but when I got scouted I thought "why not give it a shot?". Guess he saw a little something special in me that I didn't.

[ She's just. Instantly dazzled by that slight movement. ]

I... you think the scouts can really tell that kinda stuff? I wasn't too crazy about this whole thing, but they said I had the face of a risin' star or somethin' like that. I didn't think I'd make a good actress or anythin' like that.

Yeah, duh! Of course they can. How else would they scout people?

[ No, she doesn't actually believe they're that good at their jobs – really, Saitou had only ever been gambling when it came to B-Komachi and Ai was his lucky ace. You don't win a jackpot like that with skill. Just luck and sheer, dogged, self-destructive persistence. ]

If they signed you on, that means they saw something a little special in you. You should be proud of that!

Any idol worth her salt should keep up with the latest hot book!

[So mutters-to-herself one (1) Pidonus Marasia, Idol Guitarist with the Rising Stars agency, at a bench near practice spaces. Perhaps she and Ai have met a time or two]

... A book of short stories some of which sound. Um.

[She's blinking a couple times, before she looks up at who's passing and-

Then she's someone else. This wasn't new to Pidonus - shapeshifting let her do that. But this wasn't like that. It's a world she doesn't remember. Not Riana's.

She sees the story. ██'s story. The name is indistinct, but the feelings are there. Of someone whose best happiness comes from others. Of being or at least feeling unable to exist for herself.

Except in those moments. Those rare, precious moments.

Back in reality, the book drops from Pidonus' hand... And possibly could just so happen to land on Pidonus' own page in the book.]

... What was...

[Pidonus looks up, and gasps a bit, seeing Ai.]

Sorry! I. Um.

[It's like she's seen something she very much shouldn't about the fellow Idol. Who, of course, might just be getting a glimpse of the succubus' own past in turn.

They're not the same... But perhaps there's some similarity.]

Whoa...!

[ She's been so in her own head while rehearsing that Ai's hardly even noticed Pidonus around - and she's inobtrusive enough that she doesn't mind having her observe while Ai gets her contracted rehearsal time out of the way. But the book clattering to the floor and Pidonus' accompanying jolt...

Aah. She thinks she might know what's going on here. She's already seen it happen with Kana, after all.

Pasting on a smile, Ai reaches down and – careful not to look at the page herself – scoops up the book and holds it out for Pidonus to take. ]

One of those jumpscare thrillers, I'm guessing?

Edited 2023-06-26 17:09 (UTC)

[That meant Pidonus was doing her job right - don't bother coworkers unnecessarily! - but it also meant...

Ai's reaction draws notice by the Succubus.]

... Not. Precisely. More like some Facility foolishness again. Should've known.

I... Do not believe we have met, either. Sorry it had to be like... Well, this.

[She closes the book and takes it, then politely offers a handshake - with a gloved hand.]

Oh come on, we're co-workers, aren't we? We shouldn't be all stiff with each other.

[ She does take the handshake though, still smiling away – not letting her smile shift in the slightest. ]

I'm Ai.

R-right. I'm Pidonus. Sorry, these incidents may get to me kinda hard.

[Pidonus seems to recover focus quickly, her own smile taking on a self-assured confidence of her own. Notably, her wings kinda lilt up just a bit. Which might clue Ai in that they're not just a costume bit.]

If what's going on is what I think it is... Well, glad you didn't have to see what's in there that I now realize was kinda written about me. Though telling that story with enough embellishment would make a neat concept album.

[And yes, she IS pointedly avoiding discussing what she saw from Ai. If her read on her is at all correct, best to not dwell on things when there's more interesting business to talk about.]

Edited 2023-06-28 06:41 (UTC)

[ A quick recovery, huh... so either she's used to things like this happening (which wouldn't surprise Ai, with how chaotic things have been even in the short amount of time she's been here herself) or she's just good at covering up how unsettled they make her. Either one is telling in its own way, though Ai doesn't have quite enough context to guess at which one it might be. ]

Sounds to me like somebody has a little too much time on their hands. I know a little gossip here and there is fun but at least keep it to just, like, you and your buddies, you know? Rumors like this getting off the ground doesn't help aaaanybody.

[ She huffs a laugh and shakes her head, making a point to show how totally over it she is. See? She's fine. ]

[Pidonus catches fairly quickly that Ai is trying to shuffle things quick, and chooses to be honest, but also move on expediently.]

I had guessed this agency might be related to the pattern of capital R Rumors. Doesn't seem too much like it yet though.

[A light chuckle, almost more a giggle.]

... I'll keep what I saw to myself. I have my own things to hide, at least from many.

[Of which being some kind of demon may not be one of them?? But she doesn't have the winga visible in public... Huh.]

[ Honestly between Tap's bunny ears and all the other wild stuff that goes on around the city, the possibility of weird demon shenanigans doesn't even strike her as something to question... Starsand truly does it to a girl. ]

You don't have to go that far. It's not like I've got anything to hide from anybody here.

[ pause for the studio laughter. ]

But keeping a lid on any gossip you might hear is probably good form when you're just starting work at an agency like this – you can get in trouble if you're not careful.

Good to know. I'm kinda new to this kind of agency style work - I have a little experience with recorded music, but back home didn't have anything like this - I was just a traveling Bard.

Which where I'm from includes magic type stuff, some fighting... Um, yeah.

Oh, really?

[ She raises her eyebrows a little. ]

Well, I'd keep that under your hat at least for now. Fighting's another great way to get yourself kicked out, especially if you're picking fights with the other girls.

[ How did this demon lady even pass the audition if she's like this....... ]

I mean, of course I'm not about to attack people or anything. Just. Adventuring is a weird business.

I wouldn't hesitate to act to defend someone, though, either. If you have an ability and refuse to save someone with it, that's not good, right?

june catchall ★ ai hoshino

memshare; 5. also spoilers for onk (manga)

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memshare, number 4

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Memshare; 4

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