starsand | [June Open Catch-All]

[June Open Catch-All]

A catch-all post for Owl's current roster! Of... still one for now, but this will update if that changes.

Kanade Yoisaki is the composer for the online music circle Nightcord at 25:00. A shut-in who's slowly becoming a bit less of a shut-in now; though she still spends most of her time inside, Kanade takes one or two days a week to visit the kami shrines to see if they need any help with upkeep, since this is her form of penance for her Rumor causing so much chaos in the previous time loop. She'll also be visiting Canis Major occasionally during the week as well, but she'll mostly be hiding out in the kitchen classrooms there. Still, it's a bit easier to run into Kanade outside this month, even as she begins to struggle with the incoming summer heat.

Additionally, she has two spirit pacts, one with a spirit named Mikoto who's mainly a companion, and the other being with Yuuto, which has recently given her minor teleportation abilities. She'll probably be trying to work on those in the near future.

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[A; 100 Fallen Star Stories]

[Kanade is an avid reader, surprisingly. Though she works best with visual or audio mediums, books too are a treasure trove of potential inspiration, so when the excited chatter of a hot new release reaches her ears, she'll admit to being curious.

... Her curiosity turns to a bit of dread, though, when she stops by the bookstore and sees the title. This... it's not dangerous, is it? She doesn't want to hurt anyone just by reading it.

But of course, others nearby might read it. They might see some things that show Kanade, filled with regret and sadness. At first, she doesn't acknowledge the Fallen Star beside her, but when she sees their face twist, whether in confusion at the sudden memory or pain at its contents or some other feeling, she'll glance over and frown, a spark of worry in her eyes.]

... Are you okay?

[B; Meteor Shower]

[It's surprising, for Kanade to be out at night. Night for her is a time for work, a time to buckle down and get to sorting out the melodies twirling around her head and working them into a passable melody. But tonight is... special. Special enough for her to get dressed up, in a pair of nice brown slacks and dark shoes, and a soft grey sweater pulled over a white button-down shirt. It's an almost alien look on Kanade, who's always been seen in her usual track jacket and shorts, but this was important.

It's her and Mafuyu's first real date, after all.

They aren't glued to each other all night, though. Sometimes they might spot friends, or friends might spot them. Kanade certainly looks up for chatting with anyone who approaches, but it's clear that her attention keeps drifting to the girl close by if things drag on for too long...]

[What would Honami Mochizuki be without her fascination for the stars?

She'd honestly been very starved of them since her arrival. Not because they weren't there, no, that would have been petty. But because they didn't seem to have the same life. The sky felt 'harder' to see, more out of reach than ever. The telescope she'd gotten wasn't any help either; even though she could see those lovely twinkles in the horizon, it wasn't the same without the familiar lines that formed that starry lion her band was named after. And the little star-maned lion cub in Shishiba could tell it bothered her so.

She sighs, then, as she considers putting the telescope away, missing Kanade out of her peripheral vision while she's still lost in her thoughts. She didn't need it for the meteor showers, in any case; those, she could see with the naked eye.

But it still gnaws at her, that she can't enjoy this starry sky the same way she could in the School Sekai, much less back home.]

Edited 2023-06-21 23:57 (UTC)

[Kanade will be forever attuned to the feelings of those close to her. It's not magic, or anything supernatural - just a very gentle heart. So when she spots Honami as she's walking back to the picnic spot she and Mafuyu had picked out, Kanade pauses. She notes the way Honami sighs, a much heavier sound than she's used to from er friend, and she frowns.]

... Mochizuki-san?

[She's not sure if she's interrupting something, so she doesn't approach yet, but she's close enough that her soft voice can still be heard.]

Is everything okay?

Eh--?

[That voice very quickly snaps her out of it, and she turns to Kanade; surprise fills her expression, before she settles on a more tired smile.

Unlike earlier in the month, when they met at Canis Major, there was definitely something wrong.]

Oh, Yoisaki-san... [It wasn't something she expected, seeing Kanade out here -- and in such uncharacteristically formal dress, at that, but there was some happiness in her voice.

When the question registers, the emotion lingering in the curve of her lips changes; a somber undercurrent.]

...it's nothing too bad. [Her eyes drift back to the stars again, betraying her feelings further.]

["Nothing too bad". So she's not fine. It's enough to make that worry burrow a little deeper into Kanade's heart, and she takes a few steps forward, just enough that she can crouch at the edge of Honami's blanket.]

... You know... for all the times you've listened to me and helped me with my problems, I haven't done the same as much in return. If there's something on your mind... I'd be happy to listen.

[Honami may not be a part of Niigo, but that doesn't mean Kanade doesn't want to ease whatever burdens she may have, just as she does with her fellow circle members.]

I...

[...no, no. She stops herself. There was no sense turning someone away just because it wasn't so bad it was unbearable. There were worse things. This was just... something she couldn't properly enjoy.

...looking at it that way makes it feel a little less painful, but...

Even so,]

...thank you, Yoisaki-san.

[She can't help but feel a little lost in those lights in the sky, as she settles more on the blanket, even for as lacking in life as they were. They were still a beautiful sight, at the end of the day.

A moment's thought, then,]

The stars here, they just... they feel wrong. I'd been watching them for a while now, but... it only really just clicked to me why that was.

Edited (wording still bothered me a bit) 2023-06-25 03:19 (UTC)

... Is it because they're different?

[She's not really that knowledgeable about stars and constellations. It's all one big beautiful ocean of black and blue and white to her. Gorgeous, but she couldn't pick out any shapes if you asked her. But at the same time... Kanade is perceptive enough to know that that couldn't be the only thing Honami is sad about.]

Or... is it because you're not looking at them with certain people?

Mm... It's a bit more... 'not looking at them with people', than 'they're different'... but I'd be lying if I said those reasons couldn't go together.

[Shishiba nuzzles her hand as she continues. While she wasn't really in any pain -- she's still ambivalent over Saki being here, after all, but she'll gladly embrace her being here while she still can -- there was definitely a hole that couldn't be filled properly.

Compared to everything else that happened, it seemed like a relatively small reason to be upset.]

It feels like two of those stars are so far away, right now. Further than they already are.

...

[She hopes she isn't being too forward, but... at that, she'll sit down at the edge of Honami's blanket. Far enough to give her some space, but close enough to give her that unspoken sort of comfort.]

I understand how you feel.

[It's not just empty reassurances; she really, really does.]

It's... it's nice, being here with Mafuyu. Seeing and doing so many things we couldn't have done back home. Growing even closer...

[But...]

... It still feels like there's something missing, though. There's no Ena taking photos, no Mizuki teasing all of us... things just don't feel whole without them.

Ena and... Mizuki?

[She definitely doesn't feel like she's met either, but... maybe Kanade talked about either of them in passing...? It's hard to tell.

...wait, now that she thinks of it--]

...from your music group? Does that mean...?

[Kanade nods.]

Ena does all the art for our videos, and Mizuki does the MVs. They're both precious friends of mine... but I haven't seen them since I arrived here.

[There's a pause, and things just feel heavy as she processes just how long she's been in this world. It hasn't really occurred to her until now.]

.. It's been almost a year now.

Ah...

[...a year, since Kanade saw close friends of hers. Was that how long she'd been here, in Starsand -- just her and Mafuyu?

...the weight of that sinks in, and she can't help but think back. Can't help but remember the distance she put between herself and her own dear friends, now her bandmates. The hurt when it felt like she'd be left behind for real. Like she'd be alone.

Granted -- Kanade wasn't separated from hers by choice. It still cuts deep.

She doesn't say much, for a moment; she can already tell -- Kanade sorely misses them. Instead--] Do you think you'll see them again, in the future?

[There's some mixed feelings, in her tone, when she asks.]

[ When Kana gets wrapped into the memory, she can feel all the emotions overwhelm her.

To the point where she's completely in tears, her voice wobbling. It's only when she sees Kanade, asking her if she's okay that she doesn't even dare to hesitate. ]

Waaah... you've been through so much, haven't you...

[ Sorry, give her a moment, she didn't answer the question. ]

[Ah, that makes a brief look of panic cross Kanade's face. It's not hard for her to guess what this girl might have seen, and that makes her feel more than a little guilty.]

I-I, um...

[She has, yes. But she's used to the pain of these memories, the weariness that slowly drags her heart down. This girl, though...! Kanade's not sure what to do, so for the moment, all she does is reach out to put a hand on her shoulder, giving what she hopes is a steadying point to help ride out her tears.]

I'm sorry...!

No, it's-

[ She wipes her eyes with a sleeve hastily, too emotional to go for the handkerchief in her pockets. Her words are still watery and shaky, but it's a little calmer now. ]

You don't need to apologize...

It sounds like you must have seen something unpleasant... if it's because of me, I think I do need to apologize.

[Ah, maybe Kanade can...

She doesn't usually use her own handkerchief, so it's clean and neatly folded as she pulls it out of one pocket of her track jacket. She offers it to Kana, that comforting hand still not moving.]

Here. It's the least I could do to help.

... Thank you.

[ She takes the handkerchief and dabs her eyes a bit, trying to clear her head, mulling it all over in her head. ]

"Unpleasant", huh. I guess in a way, yeah. But more importantly, I understood it so much.

[... Ah, that's what really hurts. It's not someone seeing something in her past - she can't really hide her sins like that - but knowing someone else went through something hurtful...

That's what's really unpleasant. Knowing that other people are suffering in such a way.]

... If it's okay to ask... which story was it?

It's better if you saw it, hold on--

[ She takes her book out and shows her, pointing at the exact story. ]

It's this one.

[Kanade almost visibly deflates as Kana points to the story. Of course it had to be that one - of course she was troubling people with the very worst of her sins.]

That's...

[... Not something anyone else should be burdened with.]

How much of it did you see? Did you see anything... before?

All of what was relevant to what was written there. Like I said earlier, I understood what your father was going through. The entertainment business is a rough industry to be in, regardless of what position you're in.

[ Whether it's behind the scenes work or not, it's still always difficult to deal with. You become irrelevant in the scene, you'll lose jobs. ]

... It's not fair... is it?

[Her own sins, her own trauma... that doesn't matter. That's all her fault anyway. But her dad...]

All he wanted was to make people happy with his music. It was such kind, warm music... [But she overshadowed it. Like rust eating away at metal, she irreparably damaged it.] But because of what I did, he'll probably never play again.

No, it isn't.

[ Kana's own answer is immediate. ]

But in this industry... making people happy with music just can't cut it. It's harsh and cruel to say, but it's the truth. I don't think it's entirely your fault for what happened, though. The higher ups are always greedy. If someone doesn't measure up, if they don't think that someone will sell, they'll drop them in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

[It makes sense. In the logical part of Kanade's mind, everything this girl's saying makes sense. But the guilt's eaten away at her for too long; it's been so firmly imprinted on her that this is all her fault, that Kanade will probably never be able to look around that.]

... It's not even that he was dropped. He wasn't signed with a label or anything. I guess... the best thing you could call him would be an indie producer.

[At least... she thinks. Her dad only ever talked about his work in the context of the actual music he was creating. But when it came to the actual work of it, the people and his contracts and clients, he kept her far away.]

He had the opposite problem. Everyone wanted what I put into his song, and he got more and more work because of it. But... what he actually composed was considered "old fashioned" by so many people, so they kept asking for more and more changes, giving him more work, until...

[... Well. Kana saw it. Kanade's not sure how much detail she saw in that vision, but she knows that she had to have seen her father collapsed on the ground.]

Being an independent is even worse.

[ She's not too overly familiar with the music part of the entertainment industry outside of idol work and the time that she had her own label for a brief moment, but if there's something she knows, it's how the insides of the entertainment business works. ]

You could say everyone's a critic, though. But... I suppose that's to be expected. Music changes, too. If you don't get in with the times, you won't be able to keep up in this industry.

It's why you always have to continue to work and improve and even change the way you do things to fit better with what the higher ups want. You won't survive otherwise. It's a bit blunt, sure, but true.

[ Rokudo Rinne rarely left his house, after the month of May had wrapped up. It was cowardice, he knew that-- his emotions were too mixed up and raw to deal with hearing the constant false stories about Oyashiro-sama, to focus on what he wanted to do, even to... really, help the spirits.

He was, essentially, going through a depressive spell.

Still, he can't hole himself up forever. Even though he may have spoken to Kanade or Mafuyu when they came to visit, he wasn't really much for conversation. It was even difficult to speak to Rika normally, even though he pledged to take care of her.

He needed to take his mind off of everything-- but, another Rumor popped up. One about a book about Fallen Stars.

Naturally, he had to make his way to the bookstore then. Even if he wasn't feeling up to it that much, he still had a duty to investigate anything that comes up like this. When he finds a copy, he leafs through it...

And is stopped when he experiences a memory that he wasn't expecting. Seeing a grave, with a familiar family name on it. Hearing a familiar voice, wish the grave's occupant a happy birthday.

When he's back, he can feel his heart turn a bit... and it's around this time that he notices. ]

...Kanade. You're here too.

[ Wow, what a weird coincidence that is. ]

[If there's anyone who wouldn't judge him one single bit for how he's been processing his feelings, it's Kanade. She knows that it's sometimes easier to just hide yourself away for a while, to let the silence surround you while you sort through the things twisting your heart up into knots. As long as he knew that she and Mafuyu were there for him, and that they'll help him in an instant if he needed it, she can rest a little easier.

So Kanade smiles at first, when she sees him at the shelf nearby. But then there's that moment of silence, like something heavy is hanging over the two of them, and that feeling of worry begins to creep up.]

... Yeah. I was worried about what might have been said in the book. [Kanade can be surprisingly perceptive. She can tell... something is off.] Did something happen?

I had a vision. It felt like...

[ Rinne tries to think on it. He's positive... ]

It felt like I saw what was written in the story.

...I may have seen too much.

Kanade-

[Elliot lives through the memory that isn't his, forgetting what he was going to say. Kanade's father, surrounded by machines-the brief surprise seeing him awake and hearing him speak, only for her heart to shatter hearing his broken words.

He doesn't realize that he's started tearing up, blinking in surprise when he hears her voice.]

Huh? ...Sorry. I'm fine.

[... Oh no. It's one thing for her closer friends to see something from one of those books. To have someone like Elliot be troubled by whatever he saw? That just makes a lance of guilt pierce straight through her heart.]

Y-You didn't... see something bad, did you?

[Please. She doesn't want to hurt more people.]

It's fine. I can handle it.

[It's a weak answer, but he can't lie to her after seeing something so personal. The only thing he can try to do is reassure her. The whole thing feels invasive, leaving his mind clouded with guilt and emotions that don't belong to him. He pinches the bridge of his nose as if trying to banish a migraine and exhales slowly.]

I'm sorry. I should've been more careful with everything going on...

[ Ai should really know better than to be reading any of these stories – but a horrid, itchy curiosity won't let her leave it alone. She has to know what they all know about her, has to know what parts of Aqua and Kana's hearts have been ripped out from them and printed here. Keeping her head down during time away from work and skimming through the stories as fast as she can.

Today, though, her curiosity gets the better of her. She doesn't even realize she and Kanade are passing each other in the street until the memory slams into her, black as ink and unfathomably deep, hard enough that she staggers and the book all but flies out of her hand. ]

Aah– khh–

[ She, uh. Needs a minute. ]

[Kanade only read through the stories once, and even that filled her with a gnawing, bitter feeling of shame. So many stories were so raw that it feels like the inside of her chest has been scraped up by razor-sharp claws. It's an almost physical ache that's distracting enough that she doesn't notice a familiar face walking past her-]

-?!

[- until she sees her stumble and hiss. A look of panic immediately crosses Kanade's face, and she reaches out to keep Ai from falling.]

A-Ah, Ai-san...! [Oh dear, she's useless in moments like this-] Are you okay??? D-Do you need to sit down...?

[She's just. Quickly looking back and forth, trying to spot a nearby bench she can lead Ai to.]

[ The memory had been so bleak that even with its passing, Ai feels like some dark stain has been left behind and it takes her a second to remember the proper placement of her heart back into her body. Losing herself that completely in someone else's thoughts and feelings... it's a little terrifying.

It's not until she hears Kanade's voice that she remembers – oh, right. Of course. She's Ai. Not that girl in the dark, ears swimming with her own cursed music.

When Ai straightens up a little, she puts on a smile but it's horribly lopsided and doesn't look right on her face. Ah. She's usually better at putting on the right face than that. ]

Yoisaki-san... ahah... I guess sitting down wouldn't be a bad idea...

[There's a moment of hesitation from Kanade, because for a brief moment - she sees something in Ai's expression. It's like... it's like looking at Mafuyu, when she's in her "good girl" persona. That little click of a mask being set in place, and if Kanade hadn't known Mafuyu for as long as she has, she would've been completely blind to it. It makes that pang of concern in her chest flare up again... but she's smart enough to not bring it up.

She doesn't want to pry, and she doesn't want to accidentally hurt Ai when she's already a bit off-balance. So for now she just reaches out, placing gentle hands on Ai's shoulder and elbow to help her balance as she heads for a bench just off to the side of the walkway.]

Okay, we can sit just over here... [Her voice, too, is as gentle as her touch is.] I can go find some water or something if you need it, if you're still feeling a bit lightheaded.

[ She manages not to flinch away from Kanade's touch, even though she instinctively wants to, a fear that any more contact between them might send Ai spiralling back into that dismally dark memory. She forces herself to stay composed, though, and follows Kanade's gentle touch over to the bench – after a sight like that, it'd be much stranger if she didn't need to sit and catch her breath, wouldn't it? And Kanade's sure to be suspicious enough as it is. ]

Mmm. Once I manage to catch my breath... I should be fine.

[ She's still gripping the book, hard enough that her knuckles have gone white. ]

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[June Open Catch-All]

[Event Catch-all]

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A; also the first memory

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