starsand | i pray for "happiness" in the future ahead

i pray for "happiness" in the future ahead

[ That went terribly wrong.

Ryoko fled the library, angry and frustrated, running away completely unsure of where the hell to even go. Where could she go? She felt stuck, driven into another corner that she ultimately, put herself into.

What was she thinking? Of course, Shugo and the other kami had every right to despise them. They weren't helping.

Right now though, she needed help. She ran out of breath, slowing and stopping before crouching right where she was. Where does she even go? Back to her apartment? But then, everything'll build and fester even more.

For the time being, Ryoko stopped in a park, sitting on a bench. She felt like she was in a daze, eyes red and still puffy from her having been crying. She hung her head, idly regarding the gem she held into as if it'd crack and shatter into a million pieces.

Under her breath, she just murmurs. ]

I'll never learn... huh, Nagato-san?

[ Causing problems wherever she goes. ]

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[After her talk with Chron, she's been driving around. Letting the wind, and the roar of the engine, try to clear her head. But it doesn't help, it only makes things worse- The more she thinks, the more her head gets messed up, until she finally just lets it coast to a stop near a park. Here's as good a place to think as any, and-

There's Ryoko.

She's been crying.

All of Fauna's other problems evaporate from her mind.]

Ryoko?

[She's parked her bike, and now she's rushing over.]

[ She was hoping she'd look a little better by now, or... the best case scenario, no one noticed.

Wearily, she rubs at her eyes, trying as if that'd get rid of the evidence. ]

H-hey, hi, Fauna.

[ Ryoko, so badly, wants to shove these emotions back down. But she's too wound up, and ends up hiccuping slightly. ]

--sorry, just--

[ ...she doesn't know how to proceed. ]

[And once again, Fauna doesn't know what to do. Ryoko's crying. She's hurting. She needs comfort. And can Fauna really give that? Does she deserve to?

She pushes that out of her head. She can't let her own insecurities hurt Ryoko. She's already made mistakes. She can't pile up mistakes on mistakes to try to fix them... even if she feels like that's already what she's doing.

She sits down next to Ryoko, and puts her arms around her.]

Are you okay?

[ Ryoko pauses, grappling with her words. Nothing's coming out the way she wants it and suddenly... with Fauna's arms around her, the dam finally breaks, and she buries her face in Fauna's shoulder, holding on tight.

She was supposed to stay strong in these situations, was supposed to be the one that held it together just long enough, but-- ]

I can't... I don't want to be here...!

[ Despite everything, despite how kind those in Starsand had been to her, despite Fauna's care... she didn't belong here.

Just as always. ]

Why does it have to be like this?!

[Her heart breaks, hearing this. Ryoko is strong... but hearing her break down like this is almost too much for her.

Fauna doesn't know how to care for people. Not really. Until Starsand, only one person had ever shown her care herself. It's not possible to learn care if it's never shown to you, after all. She knows she's the wrong person for it. But she's still the person who is here. And Ryoko is a good person. For all her struggles... Ryoko deserves comfort.

Fauna just holds her.]

I'm sorry. I don't know...

[But that's all she can do. Why can't she do more? Why can't she help everyone who deserves it...?

Why is everything always so wrong?]

[ It's the unfortunate reality of dealing with Ryoko Asakura. She gravitates towards those who don't comfort well, because that's what she should be doing.

After a moment, she takes in a few breaths, before trying to speak again. ]

...are we... taking advantage of the kami? Are we really causing that much trouble?

[ The spirits loved them, but... Shugo clearly disliked them, and who knew if any of the others were just playing the role of put-upon host.

Somehow, it was easier when her host was absent. ]

[Taking advantage of the kami.... is it? Are they? Fauna furrows her brows. She has to think.

She isn't moving. She's going to try to be a rock of comfort, at least. Keep her arms around Ryoko until Ryoko wants her to not.]

Yeah, we're taking advantage of them. And they're taking advantage of us. It's ultimately just that kind of relationship, I think.

They're hiding stuff from us. Not telling us anything until it's almost too late. They're basically using us to generate the faith they need, while treating us like children who don't know anything. And we're using them for food, shelter... Whatever we need.

[ Which... right now, Ryoko doesn't seem too quick to leave them. She's resting against Fauna, trying to sort out her thoughts. ]

Yeah. Problem being, I don't really like still being treated like a kid. It makes me feel like I haven't learned anything.

[ So many of his words, just jabbing into her, of all that he's done for them-- ]

What a jerk. [ She's decided! That's her opinion right now. ]

... You got in a fight with someone, too, huh?

[Her voice is soft, and gentle. She doesn't want to pry, just signal that she's open for talking.]

[ "Too"? Ahhh... she'll have to ask later. ]

Y-yeah.

I went to speak to Shugo-san about something... I found out he doesn't keep track of all of us, and he doesn't trust me at all.

Mm... I guess I didn't really help. I was already mad.

... I was right, huh.

[She sighs.]

He doesn't trust any of us, I think.

Huh? Wait... did you talk to him too?

[ ........ ]

...did he catch your punch too?

[ There's no way that didn't get violent. ]

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