[... Pidonus Marasia doesn't often look angry. But by the end of Fauna's response...]
... Do you think, Fauna, that you are alone in this?
That you are the only one who caused suffering to others? Who led herself to believe it was for a better world, when really it was just for revenge and to obey a master who had brainwashed her into servitude?
Who probably deserves far, far more than what she continuously got, all the way through?
I should have died, Fauna. I should never have gotten the chance to see the defeat of the one who someone so hated as to sell her soul and even more than that for revenge.
I can't even face those who I hurt and let them bring justice to me - and not just because I am here, and not some "I'm not emotionally strong enough" excuse.
I'm going to have a hell of a lot of work to do to fix and make up for three years - my entire existence except for maybe one day before I showed up here - three years of being an evil manipulative seductress. Worse, I know, for a fact, too many of those I affected will forgive me when I will be entirely certain I do not deserve it.
You know what won't help with that, though? Beating the current Pidonus Marasia up for it. Or the current Fauna, for that matter.
Making yourself suffer now as some kind of atonement for who you were - that doesn't even make you feel better, does it? Sure as shit it's not justice for your past misdeeds. Doesn't make shit up to those you hurt before, they'll never even see it. Doesn't fix the damages on some illusory moral compass.
It's just you hurting yourself pointlessly.
Forgiving yourself, maybe that's a bit much to ask for. But accepting the help of others, who see who you are here and now? Who are hurt when you continuously insist you aren't worth their effort?
All you do by rejecting that is hurt more people, Fauna. So, even if you feel like you don't deserve happiness?
Maybe you should try to accept some of it anyways, and worry about 'earning' it relative to your past later.
no subject
[... Pidonus Marasia doesn't often look angry. But by the end of Fauna's response...]
... Do you think, Fauna, that you are alone in this?
That you are the only one who caused suffering to others? Who led herself to believe it was for a better world, when really it was just for revenge and to obey a master who had brainwashed her into servitude?
Who probably deserves far, far more than what she continuously got, all the way through?
I should have died, Fauna. I should never have gotten the chance to see the defeat of the one who someone so hated as to sell her soul and even more than that for revenge.
I can't even face those who I hurt and let them bring justice to me - and not just because I am here, and not some "I'm not emotionally strong enough" excuse.
I'm going to have a hell of a lot of work to do to fix and make up for three years - my entire existence except for maybe one day before I showed up here - three years of being an evil manipulative seductress. Worse, I know, for a fact, too many of those I affected will forgive me when I will be entirely certain I do not deserve it.
You know what won't help with that, though? Beating the current Pidonus Marasia up for it. Or the current Fauna, for that matter.
Making yourself suffer now as some kind of atonement for who you were - that doesn't even make you feel better, does it? Sure as shit it's not justice for your past misdeeds. Doesn't make shit up to those you hurt before, they'll never even see it. Doesn't fix the damages on some illusory moral compass.
It's just you hurting yourself pointlessly.
Forgiving yourself, maybe that's a bit much to ask for. But accepting the help of others, who see who you are here and now? Who are hurt when you continuously insist you aren't worth their effort?
All you do by rejecting that is hurt more people, Fauna. So, even if you feel like you don't deserve happiness?
Maybe you should try to accept some of it anyways, and worry about 'earning' it relative to your past later.