[The tension in the air is undeniable. Kokichi knows he hasn't said anything, Kaito knows he hasn't said anything, they both know, but Kokichi is just -- too proud. Too proud to admit that he remembers everything, remembers every wrong move he ever made culminating in the time in the hangar when he had no time left, and he was just trying anything and everything to solve everything he considered unsolvable. Trying to rewrite reality. Even if it meant at the cost of losing everything. He'd lose, and he'd lose, and he'd lose, if it meant everyone else won.
And yet he got none of that. He lost before to gain nothing. And now, he lives outside of the killing game. In a way, he won. And he never wanted to win. He never expected to win. He just...did. Ryoma and Kaito won, too. But everyone else...he had to carry on for them.
It was rougher still, now, that the person he liked was right there. The person who caused complicated feelings in him - it was so easy to say before that he loved him, he would do anything to get him there, he got that dumb love charm that was hanging in his room, he was keeping that jacket, it was transparent and he was pathetic. And yet still, he feared. Because he couldn't trust easily, couldn't trust himself, couldn't be happy in the thought of pining from afar but felt such childish possessiveness otherwise.
...Perhaps Kaito hadn't felt the need to cling to Kokichi as his last hope here, once more, but Kokichi had felt that feeling repeatedly. Even when he was trapped in the Kami Laboratory to begin with, he half felt like peering out the class, hoping that his dumbass hero would suddenly appear out of nowhere and save him, but that was stupid. The villain never gets that, and even there he'd been forced to do his villain role agian.
His thoughts were disrupted by--that smile, that stupid smile, he hates it, he hates him for making him so weak and stupid. But he adores it, he can't get enough of it, even if it's somewhat fake - Kokichi and his talent for knowing minor details in expression - it's...Kaito's pretending like everything's fine. It's not, but making too much of a change to the status quo right away would be too much, wouldn't it?
It'd all be too terrifying, and they were scared, and he wanted...he wanted so much for things to be okay.
1/2
And yet he got none of that. He lost before to gain nothing. And now, he lives outside of the killing game. In a way, he won. And he never wanted to win. He never expected to win. He just...did. Ryoma and Kaito won, too. But everyone else...he had to carry on for them.
It was rougher still, now, that the person he liked was right there. The person who caused complicated feelings in him - it was so easy to say before that he loved him, he would do anything to get him there, he got that dumb love charm that was hanging in his room, he was keeping that jacket, it was transparent and he was pathetic. And yet still, he feared. Because he couldn't trust easily, couldn't trust himself, couldn't be happy in the thought of pining from afar but felt such childish possessiveness otherwise.
...Perhaps Kaito hadn't felt the need to cling to Kokichi as his last hope here, once more, but Kokichi had felt that feeling repeatedly. Even when he was trapped in the Kami Laboratory to begin with, he half felt like peering out the class, hoping that his dumbass hero would suddenly appear out of nowhere and save him, but that was stupid. The villain never gets that, and even there he'd been forced to do his villain role agian.
His thoughts were disrupted by--that smile, that stupid smile, he hates it, he hates him for making him so weak and stupid. But he adores it, he can't get enough of it, even if it's somewhat fake - Kokichi and his talent for knowing minor details in expression - it's...Kaito's pretending like everything's fine. It's not, but making too much of a change to the status quo right away would be too much, wouldn't it?
It'd all be too terrifying, and they were scared, and he wanted...he wanted so much for things to be okay.
He gets his hair ruffled, and he huffs.]
My hair's messy enough, Dumby!